HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.
Interpretation
This quote humorously defines a husband as someone who takes on the responsibility of cleaning up after a meal.
Ambrose Bierce's definition of 'husband' cleverly highlights the often mundane and humorous aspects of marital roles, suggesting that a husband is defined more by his responsibilities after dining than by any romantic qualities. The quote satirically points to the idea that marriage involves not only partnership but also a shared burden of domestic duties.
In practice
You could use this quote in a light-hearted speech during a wedding to break the ice.
PALM, n. A species of tree . . . of which the familiar "itching palm" ("Palma hominis") is most widely distributed . . . . This noble vegetable exudes a kind of invisible gum, which may be detected by applying to the bark a piece of gold or silver.
Human nature is pretty well balanced; for every lacking virtue there is a rough substitute that will serve at a pinch--as cunning is the wisdom of the unwise, and ferocity the courage of the coward.
Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the Western Wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: 'Plenty well, no pray; big belly ache, heap God.'
Disobey n:To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command
NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning - which is a phenomenon.
PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so
There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.
Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.
Feminist humor raises consciousness. And the reason it's funny is because it stands something on its head. Goodness knows you've got to have a sense of humor if you do feminism full-time, I tell you.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
There are two insults no human being will endure: that he has no sense of humor, and that he has never known trouble.
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