HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.
Interpretation
This quote humorously defines a husband as someone who takes on the responsibility of cleaning up after a meal.
Ambrose Bierce's definition of 'husband' cleverly highlights the often mundane and humorous aspects of marital roles, suggesting that a husband is defined more by his responsibilities after dining than by any romantic qualities. The quote satirically points to the idea that marriage involves not only partnership but also a shared burden of domestic duties.
In practice
You could use this quote in a light-hearted speech during a wedding to break the ice.
PALM, n. A species of tree . . . of which the familiar "itching palm" ("Palma hominis") is most widely distributed . . . . This noble vegetable exudes a kind of invisible gum, which may be detected by applying to the bark a piece of gold or silver.
Human nature is pretty well balanced; for every lacking virtue there is a rough substitute that will serve at a pinch--as cunning is the wisdom of the unwise, and ferocity the courage of the coward.
Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the Western Wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: 'Plenty well, no pray; big belly ache, heap God.'
Disobey n:To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command
NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning - which is a phenomenon.
PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
A lot of sexism is just very silly... and the best response is laughter and ridicule.
Sometimes the funnier you are, the more vulnerable and scared you are underneath it all. So I think, for me, comedy was always a defense. It was a weapon so that you can't hurt me.
I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do.
and then I decided I was a lemon for a couple of weeks.
It crossed our minds early on that the more an audience cared - we were working before, on average, 240, live people. If you could get them caring - the more they cared, the harder they laughed.
I'm not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up: 'STRATFORD SUCKS!' Am I supposed to run after these guys? I'd just stand there, you know. They'd back up. 'STRATFORD SUCKS! ...STRATFORD SUCKS!' I'd say, 'I know. I go there. You're wasting gas, man.
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