I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

- Walter Matthau

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

- Walter Matthau

Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.

- Walter Matthau

Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality... 'The Odd Couple' was mine. That was the plutonium I n…

- Walter Matthau

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

- Walter Matthau

To be successful in show business, all you need are 50 good breaks.

- Walter Matthau

I could play a cop, I could play a crook, I could play a lawyer, I could play a dentist, I could play an art critic-I could play the guy next door. I…

- Walter Matthau

I always had one ear offstage, listening for the call from the bookie.

- Walter Matthau

My mother paid eight dollars a month for rent. When she had it. Mostly we were evicted, because she couldnt afford to pay the eight dollars a month.

- Walter Matthau