We ought to change the legend on our money from "In God We Trust" to "In Money We Trust." Because, as a nation, we've got far more faith in money the…

- Art Hoppe

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

- Art Hoppe

We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.

- Art Hoppe

Who knows? Maybe my life belongs to God. Maybe it belongs to me. But I do know one thing: I'm damned if it belongs to the government.

- Art Hoppe

The proper method of playing mixed doubles is to swipe the ball accidentally and straight at the woman opponent as hard and as accurately as possible…

- Art Hoppe

Old men declare war because they have failed to solve complex political and economic problems.

- Art Hoppe