Quick: noise made by a dyslexic duck

- Barry Cryer

Why does it take two days for a polaroid of John Major to appear?

- Barry Cryer

I’m 59 and people call me middle aged. How many 118 year old men do you know?

- Barry Cryer

Analysing comedy is like dissecting a frog. Nobody laughs and the frog dies.

- Barry Cryer

They say that adultery is the main thing that can damage a marriage, but it's not. It's boredom.

- Barry Cryer