In the sermon I have just preached, whenever I said Aristotle, I meant St. Paul.

- William Archibald Spooner

I remember your name perfectly, but I just can't think of your face.

- William Archibald Spooner

Sir, you have tasted two whole worms; you have hissed all my mystery lectures and been caught fighting a liar in the quad; you will leave by the next…

- William Archibald Spooner

The Lord is a shoving leopard.

- William Archibald Spooner

The weight of rages will press hard upon the employer

- William Archibald Spooner

Poor soul - very sad; her late husband, you know, a very sad death - eaten by missionaries - poor soul.

- William Archibald Spooner

Tell me, was it you or your brother who was killed in the war?

- William Archibald Spooner