Life is a near-death experience.
George CarlinRead
I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening.
Interpretation
This quote humorously reflects the challenge of finding job opportunities in a specific field.
George Carlin's quote cleverly plays on the dual meaning of the word 'opening.' While it refers to job openings in the employment sense, it also humorously alludes to the medical context of gynecology, where the term has a literal meaning. The quote exemplifies Carlin's ability to intertwine humor with social commentary, highlighting the absurdity of job searching in a light-hearted manner.
In practice
This quote can be shared during a job fair to lighten the mood.
Life is a near-death experience.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
My favourite comedian, of course, is Tim Conway. He has a way about him - being that belly-laugh kind of funny, and he has the improvisational skills, too. I've never seen anybody better.
Football is a simple game. Twenty-two men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans always win.
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Humor and laughter - not necessarily derogatory derision - are my pet tools. This may come from my general philosophy of never taking the world too seriously - for fear of dying of boredom.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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