Life is a near-death experience.
George CarlinRead
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
Interpretation
The quote humorously suggests that honesty about one's ability to judge character can be a valid excuse for jury duty.
George Carlin's quote plays on the absurdity of trying to evade civic duties like jury duty by lying. Instead, he suggests a comical honesty where one claims they would excel as a juror due to their knack for identifying guilt, which flips the narrative from avoidance to a humorous form of pride in one's observational skills.
In practice
During a speech about civic responsibility.
Life is a near-death experience.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Everyone has the right to be stupid on occasion, but Comrade Macdonald abuses the privilege.
There's different kinds of laughs. It's like a baseball lineup: this guy's your power hitter, this guy gets on base, this guy works out walks. If everybody does their job, we're gonna win.
So in our pride we ordered for breakfast an omelet, toast and coffee and what has just arrived is a tomato salad with onions, a dish of pickles, a big slice of watermelon and two bottles of cream soda.
I like to do things that are publicly embarrassing, to feel the embarrassment touch me and sink into me and then be gone. I like getting on elevators and singing too loudly in that small space. The feeling you feel is almost like a vapor. The discomfort and the wishing that it would end that comes around you.
The interesting thing about staring down a gun barrel is how small the hole is where the bullet comes out, yet what a big difference it would make in your social schedule.
Do you think God gets stoned? I think so ... look at the platypus.
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