This sounds like a brag, but I know how to make good fried rice. I learned in college. There are two secrets - take the rice after you cook it and let it get cold in the fridge. Then cook the egg like you're making a fried egg and just before it's done, dump the rice and veg on it and swirl it around.
Stand-up is something I just truly love to do, so I'll always go back to it. I'll never stop doing it, that's for sure. - Patton Oswalt
Stand-up is something I just truly love to do, so I'll always go back to it. I'll never stop doing it, that's for sure.
- Patton Oswalt
Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you. - Patton Oswalt
Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.
I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck. - Patton Oswalt
I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck.
Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself. - Patton Oswalt
Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.
So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think… - Patton Oswalt
So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think…
You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not. - Patton Oswalt
You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.
The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide … - Patton Oswalt
The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide …
We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago. - Patton Oswalt
We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.
Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"? - Patton Oswalt
Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?
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