Life is a near-death experience.
George CarlinRead
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
Interpretation
George Carlin expresses skepticism towards organizations with strict rules.
In this quote, George Carlin humorously critiques the nature of organizations, particularly those that rely on handbooks or rigid guidelines. His skepticism suggests that such structures may hinder individuality and personal judgment, implying that trust is earned through experience rather than institutional regulations.
In practice
During a speech about the importance of creativity over rigidity in organizations.
Life is a near-death experience.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
The young comedians always ask me, 'What's the secret for staying around?' I tell them, 'There is no secret - just stay around. Longevity is the most important thing.'
For what good turn? Messenger: For the best turn of the bed.
The one unforgivable sin is to be boring.
There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.
Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff they thought up themselves.
Historical Re-creation, he thought glumly, as they picked their way across, under, over or through the boulders and insect-buzzing heaps of splintered timber, with streamlets running everywhere. Only we do it with people dressing up and running around with blunt weapons, and people selling hot dogs, and the girls all miserable because they can only dress up as wenches, wenching being the only job available to women in the olden days.
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