I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. - Rita Rudner
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
- Rita Rudner
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and … - Rita Rudner
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and …
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly. - Rita Rudner
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon? - Rita Rudner
How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?
I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go. - Rita Rudner
I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. - Rita Rudner
My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen - Rita Rudner
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen
I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying. - Rita Rudner
I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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