All too often women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget. In actuality, when we love rightly we know that the healthy, loving response to cruelty and abuse is putting ourselves out of harm's way.
Interpretation
The quote emphasizes that true love involves protecting oneself from cruelty, rather than enduring it.
Bell Hooks highlights the misconception that suffering in silence is a sign of love and commitment. Instead, she argues that genuine love should prioritize self-respect and self-protection, allowing individuals to distance themselves from harmful situations and recognize that enduring mistreatment is not a measure of love.
In practice
This quote can be used in a discussion about healthy relationships during a couples' therapy session.
Privilege is not in and of itself bad; what matters is what we do with privilege. I want to live in a world where all women have access to education, and all women can earn PhD’s, if they so desire. Privilege does not have to be negative, but we have to share our resources and take direction about how to use our privilege in ways that empower those who lack it.
Self-love is the foundation of our loving practice. Without it our other efforts to love fail. Giving ourselves love we provide our inner being with the opportunity to have the unconditional love we may have always longed to receive from someone else.
While privacy strengthens all our bonds, secrecy weakens and damages connection. Lerner points out that we do not usually "know the emotional costs of keeping a secret" until the truth is disclosed. Usually, secrecy involves lying. And lying is always the setting for potential betrayal and violation of trust.
When we only name the problem, when we state complaint without a constructive focus or resolution, we take hope away. In this way critique can become merely an expression of profound cynicism, which then works to sustain dominator culture.
Once you do away with the idea of people as fixed, static entities, then you see that people can change, and there is hope.
I still think it's important for people to have a sharp, ongoing critique of marriage in patriarchal society — because once you marry within a society that remains patriarchal, no matter how alternative you want to be within your unit, there is still a culture outside you that will impose many, many values on you whether you want them to or not.
The death of a beloved is an amputation.
Have you any other objection than your belief of my indifference?" - Elizabeth Bennet
Without comprehension, the immigrant would forever remain shut - a stranger in America. Until America can release the heart as well as train the hand of the immigrant, he would forever remain driven back upon himself, corroded by the very richness of the unused gifts within his soul.
You have to see and smell and feel the circumstances of people to really understand them.
You don't need to be told some things. You can sometimes tell more by a man's silence and the set of his head than by what he says.
I have soaked this league up for everything it's worth. I've had fun. Made some great relationships. I don't regret anything. Don't regret being in Kansas City. It's all been very good to me. So why would I take that approach? There will be no pity party thrown here.
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