Etiquette does not render you defenseless. If it did, even I wouldn't subscribe to it. But rudeness in retaliation for rudeness just doubles the amount of rudeness in the world.
Judith MartinRead
One reason that the task of inventing manners is so difficult is that etiquette is folk custom, and people have emotional ties to the forms of their youth. That is why there is such hostility between generations in times of rapid change; their manners being different, each feels affronted by the other, taking even the most surface choices for challenges.
Interpretation
What this quote means
Etiquette evolves with time, causing generational conflicts due to differing emotional ties to behaviors from the past.
Judith Martin highlights the complexities of evolving manners and etiquette, explaining that they are deeply rooted in cultural customs and emotional connections from one's youth. In times of rapid change, these generational differences in manners can lead to misunderstandings and hostility, as individuals perceive differing behaviors as personal challenges rather than natural variations in societal norms.
Themes
EtiquetteGenerationalChangeCustomsManners
In practice
Example use cases
In a panel discussion on generational differences, this quote can highlight the emotional ties people have to their upbringing.
More from Judith Martin
All quotes →The rationale that etiquette should be eschewed because it fosters inequality does not ring true in a society that openly admits to a feverish interest in the comparative status-conveying qualities of sneakers. Manners are available to all, for free.
Judith MartinRead
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