QuoteProject
People are in one of two states in a relationship,” Gottman went on. “The first is what I call positive sentiment override, where positive emotion overrides irritability. It’s like a buffer. Their spouse will do something bad, and they’ll say, ‘Oh, he’s just in a crummy mood.’ Or they can be in negative sentiment override, so that even a relatively neutral thing that a partner says gets perceived as negative.
Malcolm Gladwell
ShareWTF𝕏

Interpretation

What this quote means

The quote illustrates how emotional perceptions in a relationship can shape interactions, either positively or negatively.

Malcolm Gladwell references John Gottman's concept of 'positive sentiment override' and 'negative sentiment override' to explain how partners in a relationship interpret each other's actions. When one experiences positive sentiment override, they tend to view their partner's negative behaviors through a lenient lens, often attributing them to external factors. Conversely, negative sentiment override causes even neutral actions to be interpreted negatively, leading to increased conflict and misunderstanding. This framework highlights the importance of emotional context in shaping relationship dynamics.

Themes

RelationshipsEmotionInterpretationPositiveNegative

In practice

Example use cases

In a workshop on relationship dynamics, a speaker might use this quote to explain how perceptions of partners influence communication.

More from Malcolm Gladwell

No one who can rise before dawn three hundred sixty days a year fails to make his family rich.
Malcolm GladwellRead
The people at the top don't work just harder or even much harder than everyone else. They work much, much harder.
Malcolm GladwellRead
Achievement is talent plus preparation. The problem with this view is that the closer psychologists look at the careers of the gifted, the smaller the role innate talent seems to play and the bigger the role preparation seems to play.
Malcolm GladwellRead
When I go to my health club, and it's in the basement, you have to take the elevator down. And this drives me crazy. Why can't there be a stairway? At least make it as easy to exercise as it is to not exercise. It's in society's interest for me to take the stairs.
Malcolm GladwellRead
Hard work is a prison sentence only if it does not have meaning.
Malcolm GladwellRead
Outlier are those who have been given opportunities-- -and who have had the strength and presence of mind to seize them.
Malcolm GladwellRead

Similar quotes

Intimate, loving, and enduring relationships with our family and close friends will be among the sources of the deepest joy in our lives.
Clayton ChristensenRead
The people who have adored me-- there have not been very many, but there have been some-- have always insisted on living on, long after I had ceased to care for them, or they to care for me.
Oscar WildeRead
Anger repressed can poison a relationship as surely as the crudest words.
Joyce BrothersRead
You want to give me chocolate and flowers? That would be great. I love them both. I just don't want them out of guilt, and I don't want them if you're not going to give them to all the people who helped mother our children.
Anne LamottRead
Every tragedy of the human experience can be attributed to one human decision - the decision to withdraw from each other.
Neale Donald WalschRead
An unconscious, gentle process whereby people who want to be loving attempt to be so by telling little white lies, by withholding some of the truth about themselves and their feelings in order to avoid conflict. Pseudocommunity is conflict-avoiding; true community is conflict-resolving.
M. Scott PeckRead

A little wisdom, now and then

Subscribe for the occasional hand-picked quote. No noise.