I am cursed with a right leg that arouses the desire of any male dog that happens to be passing. I used to think that this only happened to me but I've discovered that many people have the same problem. They have a femme fatale limb.
I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for. - Jasper Carrott
I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.
- Jasper Carrott
Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list. - Jasper Carrott
Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.
Happiness to me is simply not being unhappy. - Jasper Carrott
Happiness to me is simply not being unhappy.
Ringo isn't the best drummer in the world. He isn't even the best drummer in the Beatles - Jasper Carrott
Ringo isn't the best drummer in the world. He isn't even the best drummer in the Beatles
I have to confess here that I am a useless cook. - Jasper Carrott
I have to confess here that I am a useless cook.
I've always been sensible with my money. I can't say I'm a business genius. - Jasper Carrott
I've always been sensible with my money. I can't say I'm a business genius.
There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chase with Pamela Anderson. - Jasper Carrott
There is no way in my right mind I would contemplate running 26 miles-plus unless it involved a chase with Pamela Anderson.
I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfaction in life is difficult. Maybe being happy is as s… - Jasper Carrott
I have a very happy marriage and friends who keep my feet on the ground. But looking for satisfaction in life is difficult. Maybe being happy is as s…
They put up this bloke's picture on Crimewatch UK with a phone number and said 'Have you seen this man?' Well my auntie rang them up and said 'No'. - Jasper Carrott
They put up this bloke's picture on Crimewatch UK with a phone number and said 'Have you seen this man?' Well my auntie rang them up and said 'No'.
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