Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
Interpretation
This quote humorously defines rum as a dangerous drink for those who usually abstain from alcohol.
Ambrose Bierce's quote plays with the idea that certain intoxicating substances, particularly rum, can lead to irrational behavior and madness, especially in those who are not accustomed to drinking. The wit lies in the paradox of labeling rum generically while highlighting its potent effect on total abstainers, suggesting that for those who avoid alcohol, the experience of consuming it could be overwhelmingly chaotic and unpredictable.
In practice
This quote could be used at a social gathering to highlight the humorous risks of drinking.
PALM, n. A species of tree . . . of which the familiar "itching palm" ("Palma hominis") is most widely distributed . . . . This noble vegetable exudes a kind of invisible gum, which may be detected by applying to the bark a piece of gold or silver.
Human nature is pretty well balanced; for every lacking virtue there is a rough substitute that will serve at a pinch--as cunning is the wisdom of the unwise, and ferocity the courage of the coward.
Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the Western Wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: 'Plenty well, no pray; big belly ache, heap God.'
Disobey n:To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command
NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning - which is a phenomenon.
PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.
Now, some people do this for shock value. Shock is just another uptown word for surprise. Granted it has a different quality to it, but a joke is about surprising someone. I'm a great believer in context. You can joke about anything. I do like finding out where the line is drawn, deliberately crossing it and bringing some of them with me across the line, and having them be happy that I did.
Mostly I just kill time," he said, "and it dies hard.
I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.
If you've got a bloodstain on your T-shirt, maybe dirty laundry isn't your biggest problem.
I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
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