When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”? - Steven Wright
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
- Steven Wright
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions. - Steven Wright
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. - Steven Wright
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter. - Steven Wright
I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong? - Steven Wright
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese - Steven Wright
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. - Steven Wright
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there? - Steven Wright
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. - Steven Wright
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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