Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on. - Billy Connolly
Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.
- Billy Connolly
A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand. - Billy Connolly
A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them. They're not huge, complicated even… - Billy Connolly
I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them. They're not huge, complicated even…
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes! - Billy Connolly
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless. - Billy Connolly
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you … - Billy Connolly
I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you …
Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh. - Billy Connolly
Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question. - Billy Connolly
Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!" - Billy Connolly
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"
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