Life is a near-death experience.
George CarlinRead
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
Interpretation
The quote highlights the irony of impatience in the face of having ample time.
George Carlin’s quote humorously questions the common expression of impatience. It evokes the idea that everyone has the same amount of time in a day, which makes impatience seem unreasonable and absurd, inviting us to reflect on our perceptions of time and urgency.
In practice
In a stand-up comedy routine about the quirks of human behavior.
Life is a near-death experience.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour.
Cheap cigars come in handy; they stifle the odor of cheap politicians.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
If an architect makes a mistake, he grows ivy to cover it. If a doctor makes a mistake, he covers it with soil. If a cook makes a mistake, he covers it with some sauce and says it is a new recipe.
Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.
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