My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.

- David Spade

Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city's. I prefer keeping my ey…

- David Spade

It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it ca…

- David Spade

Stayed up and watched a little spanktrovision. It's the American way. There's really nothing wrong with spanktrovision. One of the best inventions of…

- David Spade

Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good.

- David Spade

I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car.

- David Spade

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

- David Spade

Most of the shows I want to do I'm not smart enough to figure out how to watch.

- David Spade

I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary.

- David Spade