Nobody knows really what they're doing and there's two ways to go with that information. One is to be afraid and the other is to be liberated, and I …

- Conan O'Brien

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

- Conan O'Brien

Today, you have achieved something special, something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know: a college diploma. That’s right, with you…

- Conan O'Brien

Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.

- Conan O'Brien

A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other hand, would be willing to have…

- Conan O'Brien

I hear YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are merging to form a super Social Media site - YouTwitFace.

- Conan O'Brien

The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.

- Conan O'Brien

A new report says that last year Colorado collected $44 million in marijuana taxes. Unfortunately, they can't remember where they put it.

- Conan O'Brien

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people und…

- Conan O'Brien