I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at a World Cup - just pleased to be there.
I like the authentic punk dance you did there. It's like a child dizzy off lemonade - Russell Howard
I like the authentic punk dance you did there. It's like a child dizzy off lemonade
- Russell Howard
This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life! - Russell Howard
This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!
Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you … - Russell Howard
Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you …
The Bible says gays arent natural. What, and a talking snake is?! - Russell Howard
The Bible says gays arent natural. What, and a talking snake is?!
Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!' - Russell Howard
Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'
Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you… - Russell Howard
Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you…
What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled! - Russell Howard
What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!
I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all. - Russell Howard
I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.
'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!' - Russell Howard
'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'
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