You can only offend me if you mean something to me.

- Chris Rock

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

- Chris Rock

You can never make a woman happy, it's impossible. I've never met a happy woman in my life. They're always complaining about something.

- Chris Rock

There's math, and everything else is debatable!

- Chris Rock

When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them. You're meeting their representative.

- Chris Rock

Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay son. You don't like Puerto Ricans? Your daughter's gonn…

- Chris Rock

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

- Chris Rock

No matter what kind of backgrounds two men are from, if you go, 'Hey, man, women are crazy,' you've got a friend.

- Chris Rock

The government doesn't want you to use YOUR drugs, they want you to use THEIR drugs.

- Chris Rock