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You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.
Bill Hicks
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More from Bill Hicks

Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.
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I'm not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up: 'STRATFORD SUCKS!' Am I supposed to run after these guys? I'd just stand there, you know. They'd back up. 'STRATFORD SUCKS! ...STRATFORD SUCKS!' I'd say, 'I know. I go there. You're wasting gas, man.
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I go to dance clubs...about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!'
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Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.
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To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.
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What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
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