You’re only limited by your lack of imagination and fear of appearing stupid.

- Susan Messing

I deal with the depraved, the sick, the pathetic, the disturbing and the profoundly depressed. I will try it all on. I will try on what I am and what…

- Susan Messing

If you're dumb enough to make me talk I'm smart enough to speak.

- Susan Messing

If I don't have fun, it's my own damn fault.

- Susan Messing

When the audience isn't laughing, that doesn't mean that they're not fascinated.

- Susan Messing

Symmetry looks good to us; we want more of it.

- Susan Messing

The longer you wait, the more the jump rope becomes a big steel cable.

- Susan Messing

If you're not having fun, you're the asshole.

- Susan Messing