Quotes on Comedian

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Physics is very muddled again at the moment; it is much too hard for me anyway, and I wish I were a movie comedian or something like that and had never heard anything about physics!

The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them.

The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke. Don't tell me jokes - I have that. People also say the weirdest things, sometimes sarcastic things, and even evil things. They like to provoke to get a reaction.

Once the travel bug bites there is no known antidote, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life

In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.

Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story.

Molly Shannon and I used to always talk about that we really felt strongly that we were comedic actors, that we weren't comedians. You just played things real and the comedy came out of the context.

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

As a comedian, I found this thing, this profession, that suits my mind and life force. To drop it to do something else? I just don't get that.

Don't censor yourself to comfort their ignorance.

A man only learns by two things; one is reading and the other is association with smarter people.

I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.

The greatest comedian I've ever seen is Jack Benny. He wasn't afraid of the silences.

And I'm up while the dawn is breaking, even though my heart is aching. I should be drinking a toast to absent friends instead of these comedians.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

When I was ten, I wrote an essay on what I would be when I grew up and said I would be a professional soccer player and a comedian in off season.

Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.