Quotes on Drinking Funny

Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.

I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.

I believe, if we take habitual drunkards as a class, their heads and their hearts will bear an advantageous comparison with those of any other class. There seems ever to have been a proneness in the brilliant and warm-blooded to fall into this vice.

I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.

There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Wine is sunlight, held together by water.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.

Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.