Quotes on Funny

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.

When you say 'I wrote a program that crashed Windows,' people just stare at you blankly and say 'Hey, I got those with the system, for free.'

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.

If so many men, so many minds, certainly so many hearts, so many kinds of love.

Live your life, do your work, then take your hat.

The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.

Do not be in a hurry to succeed. What would you have to live for afterwards? Better make the horizon your goal; it will always be ahead of you.

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny.

No man was ever so completely skilled in the conduct of life, as not to receive new information from age and experience.