Quotes on Hitchhiking

"What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water."

Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen. [...] Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer.

This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

Oh dear,' says God, 'I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

He was slumped in the back, gazing out of the window, as though his parents were two people who had picked him up hitchhiking, connected to him merely by chance and proximity.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

The Beat Generation, that was a vision that we had, John Clellon Holmes and I, and Allen Ginsberg in an even wilder way, in the late forties, of a generation of crazy, illuminated hipsters suddenly rising and roaming America, serious, bumming and hitchhiking everywhere, ragged, beatific, beautiful in an ugly graceful new way.

This planet has — or rather had — a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time.

Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.

At age 22 I set what I insist is an all-time record for distance hitchhiking in Bermuda shorts: 3,700 miles in three weeks.

Any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still know where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Funny, how just when you think life can’t possibly get any worse it suddenly does.

Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.