Explore Quotes on Humor

Humor is falling downstairs if you do it in the act of telling your wife not to.

The best scary movies have great humor in them and a great story.

Anyone in the humor business isn't thinking clearly if he doesn't surround himself with idea people. Otherwise, you settle for mediocrity - or you burn yourself out.

Information is the oxygen of the modern age. It seeps through the walls topped by barbed wire, it wafts across the electrified borders.

My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.

It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?

Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.

Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the democrats believe every day is April 15.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Individual rights are the means of subordinating society to moral law.

The purpose of morality is to teach you, not to suffer and die, but to enjoy yourself and live.

The hardest thing to explain is the glaringly evident which everybody had decided not to see.

There is a level of cowardice lower than that of the conformist: the fashionable non-conformist.

Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?

Run for your life from any man who tells you that money is evil. That sentence is the leper's bell of an approaching looter.

The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

It's interesting because people assume that because I'm famous I know all famous people.