Explore Quotes on Humor

The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.

You can't just yell jokes at people.

My best efforts were some modern things that looked like very lousy Matisses. Thank God I had the sense to realize they were lousy, and leave Paris.

People are at their most mindful when they are at play. If we find ways of enjoying our work blurring the lines between work and play the gains will be greater.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.

When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.

I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.

Optimist: someone who isn't sure whether life is a tragedy or a comedy but is tickled silly just to be in the play.

Laughter would be bereaved if snobbery died.

What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously.

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

I think pimp, therefore i am.

Advice is sometimes transmitted more successfully through a joke than grave teaching.

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to a job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.

I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.