I'm a micro-celebrity, about as small a celebrity as you can be..

Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door..

While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I w….

To understand something is to be delivered of it..

There is so much more than we can see, there is so much more that we can be..

Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act..

Someone's been mean to you! Tell me who it is, so I can punch him tastefully..

Everything that's old is new, and everything that's new is old..

The more things you own, the more they own you..

I'm good for some things, bad for a lot of things..

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings..

Proclaim not all though knowest, or all though owest..

We have to save as many lives as we possibly can..

The public makes it so that we have to keep assaulting each other..

Of all the band of personal traitors the sense of humor is the most dangerous..

Whatever is contained must be released..

If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' what is the opposite of 'progress'?.

Don't be afraid to have nothing..

I'm not exactly repulsive..

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home..

And he smote the Balrog upon the mountainside..