Quotes on Humorists

Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking

Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth.

No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.

A religion that comes of thought, and study, and deliberate conviction, sticks best. The revivalized convert who is scared in the direction of heaven because he sees hell yawn suddenly behind him, not only regains confidence when his scare is over, but is ashamed of himself for being scared, and often becomes more hopelessly and malignantly wicked than he was before.

It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

It is difficult to be sat on all day, every day, by some other creature, without forming an opinion on them. On the other hand, it is perfectly possible to sit all day, every day, on top of another creature and not have the slightest thought about them whatsoever.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Being made merely in the image of God but not otherwise resembling him enough to be mistaken by anybody but a very near sighted person.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.