Quotes on Marriage Humor

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot.

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.