I try to swim every damn day I can, and I've learned to scuba dive and snorkel..

I told the umpires to walk back at least thirty-five feet from home plate. That reduced the arguements..

The best umpired game is the game in which the fans cannot recall the umpires who worked it..

Rules of society are nothing; one's conscience is the umpire..

Designs are increasingly winning competitions because they are literally green, and because somewhere they feature a small windmill..

Whenever you have a tight situation and there's a close pitch, the umpire gets a squawk no matter how he calls it..

Never before has a civilization reached such a degree of a contempt for life; never before has a generation, drowned in mortification, felt such a ra….

The man who is always worrying about whether or not his soul would be damned generally has a soul that isn't worth a damn..

I don't live in as much fear as I used to. I'm not afraid of the music business. Life is too damn short. I know what's important, and the tasks are v….

I have reached the conclusion that those who have physical courage also have moral courage. Physical courage is a great test..

When you're in your early 20s your love life seems to explode every 20 minutes or so. By the time you've reached your thirties, it is every five or t….

The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason..

I didn't mean to hit the umpire with the dirt, but I did mean to hit that bastard in the stands..

The will to believe chases out the rational mind, whenever and wherever the two come into conflict..

In the olden days, the umpire didn't have to take any courses in mind reading. The pitcher told you he was going to throw at you..

I assure you that the training that you get in a midget, in a sprint car and perhaps in a Silver Crown car is really the kind of experience that make….

You can do anything, really. And that, l think, is one of the exciting possibilities of the present, l swear, is the possibility that the goddamn thi….

I made a game effort to argue but two things were against me: the umpires and the rules..

The trouble with me is that every match I play against five opponents: umpire, crowd, ball boys, court, and myself..

This magistrate is not the king. The people are the king..

Cardinal rule for all hitters with two strikes on them: Never trust the umpire..