Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it..
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
Every age has a keyhole to which its eye is pasted..
There's a limit to how many times you can read how great you are and what an inspiration you are, but I'm not there yet..
You may be witty, but not satirical..
I was so amazingly witty when I had the No. 1 movie, you have no idea. People laughed at every single one of my jokes. Then when I hadn't had a hit f….
Krystal’s slow passage up the school had resembled the passage of a goat through the body of a boa constrictor, being highly visible and uncomfortabl….
Mankind will never see an end of trouble until lovers of wisdom come to hold political power, or the holders of power become lovers of wisdom.
If it's a good book, anyone will read it. I'm totally unashamed about still reading things I loved in my childhood..
To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it..
Everything has been figured out, except how to live..
It is terribly amusing how many different climates of feelings one can go through in one day..
The stories we love best do live in us forever..
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver..
Practical politics consists in ignoring facts..
My inner child is not wounded..
It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, bu….
All men are equal before fish..
Most men will not swim before they are able to.' Is not that witty? Naturally, they won't swim! They are born for the solid earth, not for the water.….
Sir, money, money, the most charming of all things; money, which will say more in one moment than the most elegant lover can in years. Perhaps you wi….
All my friends are funny, witty, fun-loving people. As are my parents, and the people I work with. I get at least a couple of good laughs in every da….