FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs.

Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing..

REDEMPTION, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin, through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned . . . . whoso believe….

Kiss. n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss"..

Work: a dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing..

MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society..

Dawn: When men of reason go to bed..

Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook..

What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it..

A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement..

Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch..

There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know..

Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling..

Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was….

RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character..

Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps..

RESPITE, n. A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have been done ….

WINE, n.Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum." Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to man..

TRUCE, n. Friendship..

According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the ….

Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke..