I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good..

Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do..

Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the su….

By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long..

My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be..

Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death..

When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep..

Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting..

It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this..

And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howar….

I like gambling on stuff that you don't know anything about. That's when it's exciting..

Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38..

I used to be a longshoreman. I didn't go to college. I have a voice that when I say something, it can sound way meaner than you think it is..

I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking.

I have a bad gambling problem. You're not in show business for 12 years and dress like this without a bad gambling problem..

You know how screwed up censorship is, two girls just agreed to make out naked in front of their fathers, and we went wait, don't curse..

Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me..

Whiskey will always be a part of my life..

I think it reminds me of my childhood, my father, .. I think people have the same reaction. It reminds you of what it was like to be a kid, where eve….

It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs..

It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking ….