I'm not going to lie to you fellas, I've been drinking.

When political correctness first started coming around, it ruined Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy's stand-up career. Sam Kinison died at just the r….

And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howar….

I like gambling on stuff that you don't know anything about. That's when it's exciting..

But I live an interesting life and I can tell a pretty good story and it has helped my career. But the downside is people know everything..

I snorted heroin once by accident. It was amazing. But kids, don't snort heroin. It's too good..

When you did impressions on 'MADtv,' the producers gave you a Walkman that played huge sections of whatever movie was being parodied, with your chara….

Howard's unbelievably nutty, politically incorrect style is probably the single biggest influence on me..

The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation..

I think it reminds me of my childhood, my father, .. I think people have the same reaction. It reminds you of what it was like to be a kid, where eve….

I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke..

I was always a thin kid; I was an athlete..

My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be..

Frank Sebastiano is a real write. He has two Emmys, one from 'SNL' and the other from 'The Chris Rock Show' . The only award I have is an FM-mmy..

At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota.

A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of years ago, A-Rod went to ….

Everytime I go to Vegas, I seem to incur some kind of fine..

Artie is going to do what ever Artie wants to do..

The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off..

All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once youre laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes….

I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust.