This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says "you like baseball?" I said, "Oh, man, I love baseball." So he goes "Did you know that if Jesus ….

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men.

I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: 'You're only responsible for the first….

In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family..

I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint….

Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list..

Remember: Greed is a bad color on a person..

I'd love to be a woman for one day of my life... God... I would be drunk with power..

My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome to my world..

There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger s….

I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people's heads..

I swear to you, I am the cheapest drunk on the planet. It takes nothing to get me loopy and doing stupid stuff. Yeah. Some of you like that? Well... ….

I was always the Class Clown and over time became very good at it. I started doing comedy on stage at the Dallas Comedy Corner where I honed my skill….