Mitt Romney, who is on record saying that he would not waste money going after bin Laden, and on record saying he would not violate Pakistan's border….

I get the Playboy thing a lot. People assume I go out with bimbos. I couldn`t go out with bimbos if I tried! I scare them off! The women that like me….

Americans are used to being pandered to and spoon-fed everything. In a culture that needs caffeine-free cherry chocolate diet Coke, you'd best delive….

What a day for the Tea Party people. Did you see that? America's parks and fairgrounds were lost in a sea of man-boobs. They were venting their anger….

Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants..

New Rule: This Valentine’s Day Americans must remember that politicians are like a box of chocolates. We bite into them to find out what's on the ins….

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder..

Community is gathering around a fire and listening to someone tell a story..

You're not a patriot unless even when you lose, it's still your country..

Rush Limbaugh, who has made a career preaching that anybody who does drugs has got to go right to jail - do not pass go, no questions asked, right to….

What is with this campy fixation on all things Ronald Reagan? They talk about him the way gay people talk about Barbra Streisand. I think they want h….

The teachers don't know anything. What are the kids going to learn with a horrible education system?.

In Washington, the air quality today was described as 'red.'...You know what 'red' is? It's bad for everyone. Not just old people, sick people and ba….

Religion is detrimental to the progress of society..

I feel like I'm wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected..

I hear this all the time: 'Obama's policies aren't working.' He hasn't been allowed to put his policies into place..

In the Muslim world, much of it, they cannot conceive of something coming out of the United States that wouldn't be sanctioned by the government, bec….

The President said that Gold told him to invade Iraq. You see that's what happens when you mix New Testament and Old Milwaukee..

In Republican fantasy world, everything is always Obama's fault. Somehow, he's weak and he's ineffective, and yet he pulls the strings on everything ….

Death is the monster we all fear, yet with each day, we walk toward it, and can't help doing so; we can't help but walk toward the one thing we're mo….

The public is gullible. ... If [many satirists are] making the same joke, that's the danger. Then there's a solidifying effect and it becomes a truth..