I liked things better when I didn't understand them..

I learned about what I love. Imagination, deep friendship, animals, family, the natural world, ideas and ideals ... and silliness..

So long, Pop! I'm off to check my tiger trap!.

I guess I have a gift for expressing pedestrian tastes. In a way, it's kind of depressing..

If you can't win by reason, go for volume..

They say the secret of success is being at the right place at the right time, but since you never know when the right time is going to be, I figure t….

CALVIN: As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight..

There's more to this world than just people, you know..

Calvin: Somewhere in Communist Russia, I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard….

From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way..

Calvin: Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor? When you think about it, it's weird that we have a physiological response to ….

You can draw a penguin on a toilet reading The New York Times and it's adorable, but try doing it with an adult male character, and it's disgusting..

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs..

Mom’s not feeling well. So I’m making her a get well card.” “That’s thoughtful of you.” "See, on the front it says, ‘Get Well Soon’ … and on the insi….

I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one….

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world..

To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble..

Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting if he’d put tigers in them..

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood..

Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef Boy-Ar….

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night..