It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously..

I don't get all the anger that is thrown at comedians..

Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to - everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke for them..

I don't know why you'd go to a comedian and say, "You know what? You have a large menu of items, but this one thing I did not like and therefore, you….

Women feel safe with me as well they should, because not only am I morally objected at going too far, but physically I cannot do it..

Everyone's going to have a racist tweet, a homophobic tweet, a xenophobic tweet, a misogynist tweet. Everyone's going to have a tweet or a post or so….

I admire ventriloquists, because I can't do that. I mean, I might get mistaken for a ventriloquist dummy every now and then, but I can't do what they….

If I make a joke about black people or Asian people or whatever, and then an Asian comes up to me afterwards and says, "That joke offended me," I'm s….

If I do talk politics it's very surface, it's not in-depth..

I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly..

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, ….

I don't take too many things too seriously..

I'm funny because I'm funny. And there's more to offer..

Half the time, you go on any one of these news sites, whether it be a Yahoo or a Google, and one of the top headlines is always, "Did a comedian go t….

It's weird when people ask me, "Why are you so nice?" It's like, "Because that's just what you should do. You should be kind to people." It seems rea….

I don't know how to write jokes from the point of view of a six-foot-two guy. So, I'll always talk about it, but I just don't want it to be the absol….

I don't know, why am I called the opposite of what I am? It's very confusing to me..

I've been to Canada, and they love - oh my God, they love their stand-up comedy in Canada. I've been overseas to do shows for the troops all over the….

I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy..

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told ….

In every other aspect of their life, we have entertainment that is crafted almost to an individual. So they expect that from stand-up as well..