I try not to be hateful..

Women feel safe with me. Because a woman with me knows that she can stop the situation from advancing to a point that she's comfortable at any time..

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true..

Everyone's extremely and easily offended now..

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour..

I don't want to be mean. I try not to be..

I'm such a damn workaholic, that it's interesting to be like, "Oh, what do I do for fun?".

Now, I've gotten to the point in my career, I'm 13 years in, to where I know that I'm funny. I know that I'm good at this..

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot..

I'm in awe of comics that do things that I can't do, or haven't tried doing yet..

Every now and then you'll say something that didn't quite work. But the important thing is, as a comic, you try to learn why it didn't. And then you ….

I kind of want to know a little bit about everything..

I'm in awe of comedians that do things that I can't do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary….

There are plenty of wonderful, good fat people in the USA that have no problems being fat, who I have no problems with being fat..

If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you'd be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a lit….

There is often times when I'm in a bar or after a show, and a woman just grabs my head and shoves it into her cleavage, or grabs my ass, or something….

It's extremely important for people to be informed and to be educated and to know what's going in their community and in their country, but every now….

I found out if you're a funny guy, a lot of people like you..

I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That's the constant. That's the thing that I'm going to do for the rest of my life, but also I ….

There are things that I won't joke about, but it's not because I don't think they're funny or they can't be made funny. It's just that they don't fit….

Every now and then we're going to fail..