Explore Quotes by Dane Cook

I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.

I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.

I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.

I work with a lot of kids. Every year, for the past fifteen years, I work at Comedy Camp where I work with a lot of kids.

I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.

I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.

I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.

I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things.

I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.

Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!

My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.

I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.