Groucho Marx

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?" "Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!

The only real laughter comes from despair.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.