I'm ombibulous. I drink every known alcoholic drink and enjoy them all..

No man could bring himself to reveal his true character, and, above all, his true limitations as a citizen and a Christian, his true meannesses, his ….

He marries best who puts it off until it is too late..

The cosmos is a gigantic flywheel making 10,000 revolutions per minute. Man is a sick fly taking a dizzy ride on it..

Deep within the heart of every evangelist lies the wreck of a car salesman..

Women hate revolutions and revolutionists. They like men who are docile, and well-regarded at the bank, and never late at meals..

The way to hold a husband is to keep him a little jealous; the way to lose him is to keep him a little more jealous..

Civilization, in fact, grows more maudlin and hysterical; especially under democracy it tends to degenerate into a mere combat of crazes; the whole a….

The essence of science is that it is always willing to abandon a given idea for a better one; the essence of theology is that it holds its truths to ….

Socialism: nothing more than the theory that the slave is always more virtuous than his master..

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line..

Sunday is a day given over by Americans to wishing that the themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell..

The only liberty an inferior man really cherishes is the liberty to quit work, stretch out in the sun, and scratch himself..

The most valuable of all human possessions, next to a superior and disdainful air, is the reputation of being well-to-do..

It seems to me that a great university ought to have room in it for men subscribing to every sort of idea that is currently prevalent.

Debussy--A pretty girl with one blue eye and one brown one..

I have long been convinced that the idea of liberty is abhorrent to most human beings. What they want is security, not freedom. Thus it seldom causes….

Not by accident, you may be sure, do the Christian Scriptures make the father of knowledge a serpent - slimy, sneaking and abominable..

What restrains us from killing is partly fear of punishment, partly moral scruple, and partly what may be described as a sense of humor.

Evangelical Christianity, as everyone knows, is founded upon hate, as the Christianity of Christ was founded upon love..

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public..