We suffer most when the White House busts with ideas..

If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be ineligible for any office of trust in the United States..

In my day a reporter who took an assignment was wholly on his own until he got back to the office, and even then he was little molested until his cop….

I hope I need not confess that a large part of my stock in trade consists of platitudes rescued from the cobwebbed shelves of yesterday... This borro….

The dying man doesn't struggle much and he isn't much afraid. As his alkalies give out he succumbs to a blest stupidity. His mindfogs. His will power….

A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them..

An altruist is one who would be sincerely sorry to see his neighbor's children devoured by wolves..

There is nothing worse than an idle hour, with no occupation offering. People who have many such hours are simply animals waiting docilely for death.….

The kind of man who demands that government enforce his ideas is always the kind whose ideas are idiotic..

Metaphysics is almost always an attempt to prove the incredible by an appeal to the unintelligible..

Why do men delight in work? Fundamentally, I suppose, because there is a sense of relief and pleasure in getting something done - a kind of satisfact….

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends..

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will….

On one issue, at least, men and women agree. They both distrust women..

Religion deserves no more respect than a pile of garbage..

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married..

How to Drink Like a Gentleman: The Things to Do and the Things Not To, as Learned in 30 Years' Extensive Research..

Jealousy is the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste..

Hygiene is the corruption of medicine by morality..

Poetry is a comforting piece of fiction set to more or less lascivious music..

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin..