Explore Quotes by Kevin Hearne

She switched from ecstasy to embarrassment at about Mach five.

I'm not a proper anything. Majoring in philosophy kind of turns positive assertions into maybes.

If I waved that in front of a museum curator, he'd promptly lose control of his salivary glands.

I tend to vacillate between belief systems. Right now I'm kind of checking out the whole buffet, you know, and maybe in a little while I'll decide on what I want to put on my plate and chow down on.

They'll have to bring in Mulder an' Scully, because there ain't no CSI on the planet that'll ever be able to explain this.

Here is how you know someone has had a good idea: Other people freely admit to their friends that said idea has changed their lives. Most people today will grant that fire and the wheel are the big two. After that, any attempts to rank the greatest ideas of all time are going to draw lots of argument. You’ll have zealots pimping this god or that on the one hand, scientists pimping Darwin on the other, and then practical people pointing at written language and saying, look, fellas, the reason those ideas have gone viral is because someone figured out how to write them down.

Well o' course she's feelin' dandy! She's the mother o' God for the love o' Pete!

Sweet Honey of Dagda, now I was babbling.

What do you know? She liked to be told she was scary. Kinky.

Am I not a fearsome enemy?" "You frighten me primally.

Winning ugly is still winning.

Wow you need to get some sun.” “Shut up. I'm Irish.

Anyone who's ever tried to tangle with a teddy bear cholla knows there's a whole lot more bear than teddy to it.

I had privately changed 'This, too, shall pass' into 'You, too, shall die'.

Ye know what me Sean used to say, God rest his soul? He said, 'A friend will help ye move, Katie, but a really good friend will help ye move a body.

That's right, there's free beer in Irish paradise. Everyone's jealous.

Now go and stake some vamps. Especially the sparkly emo ones.

People used to say obvious things ironically or as a form of understatement, but in the last few decades they seem to say it with a sense of discovery, and it worries me.

When he said to give him the sword, I don’t think he meant for you to stick it in his guts.

Yer a good lad, Atticus, mowin’ me lawn and killin’ what Brits come around.

He will spit you and roast you with rosemary, and we will all sample your flesh tonight. Tomorrow you will be shat out into the snow. Your diplomacy is bold and edgy, sir.