Many a family tree needs trimming.

Gittin' talked about is one o' th' penalties for bein' purty..

Gittin' talked about is one o' th' penalties for bein' purty, while bein' above suspicion is about th' only compensation fer bein' homely..

The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening..

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas..

One of the commonest ailments of the present day is the premature formation of opinion..

Nothing dispels enthusiasm like a small admission fee..

Another bad thing about "prosperity" is that you can't jingle any money without being under suspicion.

Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count..

A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower..

Bees are not as busy as we think they are. They just can't buzz any slower..

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst..

The longer it takes you to select a cantaloupe, the worse it is!.

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them..

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish..

If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation..

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store..

The reason the way of the transgressor is hard is because it's so crowded..

We like little children, because they tear out as soon as they get what they want..

It is no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be..

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, an' it keeps on laughin'..