No matter how much strong black coffee we drink, almost any after- dinner speech will counteract it..

You won't skid if you stay in a rut..

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing..

The hardest thing is writing a recommendation for someone we know..

Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family..

It is no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be..

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen..

It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game..

A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower..

A sympathizer is a fellow that's for you as long as it doesn't cost anything..

Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it..

It seems that nothing ever gets to going good till there's a few resignations.

Nothing dispels enthusiasm like a small admission fee..

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest..

If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public..

Another bad thing about "prosperity" is that you can't jingle any money without being under suspicion.

Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count..

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt..

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid..

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick..

Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt..